When I was going though cancer treatment, I became familiar with some books by Dr. Bernie Siegel, a physician who has worked extensively with cancer patients. One of his books, "Peace, Love & Healing", has a great quote about disease being an agent of transformation. Listen to the richness of this statement:
"Disease is surely one of the ways we are tried by life and offered the chance to be heroic. Though few of us will win Olympic medals or slay dragons, disease can be the spark or gift that allows many of us to live out our personal myths and become heroes". (p. 197).
In other words, a person may not accomplish anything above the mundane in life, that is, win medals or slay dragons. But yet, in a strange way, having an illness, whether it be cancer or another malady, provides an opportunity for a person to become a hero. I've certainly discovered this to be true in my own life. Although I fail in so many ways, I still am approached by people in church years after my cancer battle who tell me what an encouragement I was to them when I was in the darkest moments of my sickness. Hey, I wasn't trying to be a hero. I was just trying to survive.
Reminds me of the account of Paul and Silas in Acts 16. As you may recall, they were thrown into a Philippian jail after publicly renouncing a girl with a spirit of divination. After being arrested, they were beaten with rods and thrown into prison. Their feet were placed in stocks. How did these early missionaries deal with their situation? Acts 16:25 records how "...about midnight, Paul and Silas were praying and singing hymns of praise to God and the prisoners were listening to them (italics mine)."
Although it is unfathomable to think of the immoral punishment inflicted upon Paul and Silas, it did have a good result in that the prisoners were listening to them. Brought to mind how whenever a person goes through hardship such as illness, there are others watching to see how one will respond. Believe it or not, the dungeon of cancer may be the divine instrument in life to propel a person to stardom. Who are the fans? Why, it's simply the other prisoners in life who happen to be listening.
Friday, September 21, 2012
Sunday, September 9, 2012
Advances In Nausea Control
I've been a nurse since 1983. It's amazing some of the medical advances I've witnessed in my lifetime. Consider the advances in treating acid reflux or peptic ulcer disease. In the old days, I can remember giving patients an antacid such as Maalox or Mylanta every three hours (I kid you not) to allow healing of an ulcer and neutralize the acid in a patient's stomach. I can still picture the white coating on patients' lips who underwent this regimen. Later, and not necessarily in order of appearance on the market, drugs like Tagamet, Zantac, and Pepcid appeared to decrease acid production. Another drug was subsequently developed to coat the stomach called Carafate. Not too long after that, even better acid reducing medications like Prevacid and Nexium appeared. Eventually, it was discovered that some ulcers were caused by a bacterium, Helicobacter pylori (known simply as H. pylori). If H. pylori was discovered in your stomach, then you were given a course of antibiotics plus acid-reducing medications for several weeks. So, the former days of frequently gulping down chalky antacids were replaced by taking some pills for a few weeks. An incredible breakthrough.
As I may have previously stated, extreme nausea was one of the worst side effects I endured while going through chemotherapy. Frequent nausea. Debilitating nausea leading to further fatigue and weight loss during treatments. Consequently, most anti-nausea medications I received were of little value. The nausea simply had to run its course. Finally, with my last treatment, my doctor gave me a new drug called Emend which I took the day of chemotherapy and two days afterwards. It was an expensive drug, roughly one hundred dollars a pill back then, but it totally obliterated the nausea.
I can only wonder what a difference this drug would have made if I would have taken it early on in treatment. Perhaps the multiple hospitalizations due to dehydration could have been avoided.
Furthermore, I recently spoke to an oncologist who stated, if I understood him correctly, that nausea is not as much an issue with chemotherapy today due to advances in medical treatment. Although some side effects of chemotherapy may be unavoidable, such as fatigue or hair loss, being able to eat and drink freely after treatments without the fear of vomiting may be the biggest medical breakthrough of them all.
As I may have previously stated, extreme nausea was one of the worst side effects I endured while going through chemotherapy. Frequent nausea. Debilitating nausea leading to further fatigue and weight loss during treatments. Consequently, most anti-nausea medications I received were of little value. The nausea simply had to run its course. Finally, with my last treatment, my doctor gave me a new drug called Emend which I took the day of chemotherapy and two days afterwards. It was an expensive drug, roughly one hundred dollars a pill back then, but it totally obliterated the nausea.
I can only wonder what a difference this drug would have made if I would have taken it early on in treatment. Perhaps the multiple hospitalizations due to dehydration could have been avoided.
Furthermore, I recently spoke to an oncologist who stated, if I understood him correctly, that nausea is not as much an issue with chemotherapy today due to advances in medical treatment. Although some side effects of chemotherapy may be unavoidable, such as fatigue or hair loss, being able to eat and drink freely after treatments without the fear of vomiting may be the biggest medical breakthrough of them all.
Wednesday, August 15, 2012
A Psalm When Undergoing Chemotherapy
Read another passage which captured my heart, especially in relation to my cancer battle. As I read Psalms 88 (New American Standard version), verse after verse reminded me what I experienced while going through chemotherapy. Consider these poignant verses from what is described as the saddest psalm. My comments are listed in red beside the verses.
1 O LORD, the God of my salvation, I have cried out by day and in the night before You.
2 Let my prayer come before You; Incline Your ear to my cry !
3 For my soul has had enough troubles, And my life has drawn near to Sheol. (Chemotherapy makes you feel like you're dying).
4 I am reckoned among those who go down to the pit ; I have become like a man without strength, (Some chemotherapy agents cause profound fatigue).
5Forsaken among the dead, Like the slain who lie in the grave, Whom You remember no more, And they are cut off from Your hand. (You feel abandoned).
6 You have put me in the lowest pit, In dark places, in the depths. (Chemotherapy takes you as low as a person can possibly go...then it takes you even lower than that).
7 Your wrath has rested upon me, And You have afflicted me with all Your waves. (The effects of chemotherapy are relentless. Wave after wave of fatigue and nausea). Selah.
8 You have removed my acquaintances far from me; You have made me an object of loathing to them; I am shut up and cannot go out. (With chemotherapy, routine actions of life are difficult, e.g. going to church or work because you feel SO bad).
9 My eye has wasted away because of affliction ; I have called upon You every day, O LORD ; I have spread out my hands to You. (I am desperate).
10 Will You perform wonders for the dead ? Will the departed spirits rise and praise You? (In other words, God, do you want to leave me this way? What good am I in this present pitiful state?) Selah.
11 Will Your lovingkindness be declared in the grave, Your faithfulness in Abaddon ?
12 Will Your wonders be made known in the darkness ? And Your righteousness in the land of forgetfulness ? (How can I praise You if I'm dead?).
13 But I, O LORD, have cried out to You for help, And in the morning my prayer comes before You.
14 O LORD, why do You reject my soul ? Why do You hide Your face from me?
15 I was afflicted and about to die from my youth on; I suffer Your terrors ; I am overcome.
16 Your burning anger has passed over me; Your terrors have destroyed me. (Chemotherapy wreaks havoc on the body).
17 They have surrounded me like water all day long; They have encompassed me altogether.
18 You have removed lover and friend far from me; My acquaintances are in darkness. (It may be difficult for friends and family to deal with a cancer patient undergoing chemotherapy. Many hospitalizations. Frequent doctors' visits.).
Notice the psalm ends on a sad note. How true! Sometimes situations in life end in sorrow. Sad endings occur in abundance. As people of faith, we must believe, we have to believe, that there is a God of love who allows such things. Otherwise, life makes no sense whatsoever.
1 O LORD, the God of my salvation, I have cried out by day and in the night before You.
2 Let my prayer come before You; Incline Your ear to my cry !
3 For my soul has had enough troubles, And my life has drawn near to Sheol. (Chemotherapy makes you feel like you're dying).
4 I am reckoned among those who go down to the pit ; I have become like a man without strength, (Some chemotherapy agents cause profound fatigue).
5Forsaken among the dead, Like the slain who lie in the grave, Whom You remember no more, And they are cut off from Your hand. (You feel abandoned).
6 You have put me in the lowest pit, In dark places, in the depths. (Chemotherapy takes you as low as a person can possibly go...then it takes you even lower than that).
7 Your wrath has rested upon me, And You have afflicted me with all Your waves. (The effects of chemotherapy are relentless. Wave after wave of fatigue and nausea). Selah.
8 You have removed my acquaintances far from me; You have made me an object of loathing to them; I am shut up and cannot go out. (With chemotherapy, routine actions of life are difficult, e.g. going to church or work because you feel SO bad).
9 My eye has wasted away because of affliction ; I have called upon You every day, O LORD ; I have spread out my hands to You. (I am desperate).
10 Will You perform wonders for the dead ? Will the departed spirits rise and praise You? (In other words, God, do you want to leave me this way? What good am I in this present pitiful state?) Selah.
11 Will Your lovingkindness be declared in the grave, Your faithfulness in Abaddon ?
12 Will Your wonders be made known in the darkness ? And Your righteousness in the land of forgetfulness ? (How can I praise You if I'm dead?).
13 But I, O LORD, have cried out to You for help, And in the morning my prayer comes before You.
14 O LORD, why do You reject my soul ? Why do You hide Your face from me?
15 I was afflicted and about to die from my youth on; I suffer Your terrors ; I am overcome.
16 Your burning anger has passed over me; Your terrors have destroyed me. (Chemotherapy wreaks havoc on the body).
17 They have surrounded me like water all day long; They have encompassed me altogether.
18 You have removed lover and friend far from me; My acquaintances are in darkness. (It may be difficult for friends and family to deal with a cancer patient undergoing chemotherapy. Many hospitalizations. Frequent doctors' visits.).
Notice the psalm ends on a sad note. How true! Sometimes situations in life end in sorrow. Sad endings occur in abundance. As people of faith, we must believe, we have to believe, that there is a God of love who allows such things. Otherwise, life makes no sense whatsoever.
Tuesday, August 14, 2012
Prayer For The Dying
It's amazing how many verses in the Bible have come alive since I had cancer. For example, I became familiar with Psalms 118:17 while I was undergoing chemotherapy in 2006. It states, "I shall not die, but live, and tell of the works of the Lord". What a great encouragement for those undergoing cancer or any other major illness. As a matter of fact, I now wear this verse on a bracelet wherever I go. It has become my life verse. It's a verse which proclaims that God had a purpose in my healing from Stage 3 bladder cancer, even though my oncologist felt my chances of surviving were fifteen to twenty percent.
Found another great verse the other day. Psalms 79:11 says "Let the groaning of the prisoner come before Thee; according to the greatness of Thy power preserve those who are doomed to die." What captured my attention was the last phrase, "preserve those who are doomed to die." It appears to be speaking to prisoners, especially those in the dungeons who have no hope of release. Perhaps they are scheduled for execution. Yet, the psalmist asks God to change the circumstances of those with no hope.
For many people who are diagnosed with cancer, chances of recovery, as occurred in my life, are limited. The doctor may state that the treatments may only provide temporary relief, not ultimately remove the cancer. In relation to this, I believe the oncologist told my mother when she was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer years ago that his purpose was to "extend her life", not cure her. In other words, it was hopeless.
Yet, my prayer today for anyone experiencing cancer is exactly what the psalmist said, that God would "preserve those who are doomed to die". Although I can't understand God's ways in many situations, especially in the lives of those suffering with cancer, sometimes He does choose to heal in accordance with His plan.
Furthermore, if He does preserve some one's life out of the dungeon of cancer, perhaps they, too, will one day be able to proclaim the truth of Psalms 118:17, "I shall not die, but live, and tell of the works of the Lord".
Found another great verse the other day. Psalms 79:11 says "Let the groaning of the prisoner come before Thee; according to the greatness of Thy power preserve those who are doomed to die." What captured my attention was the last phrase, "preserve those who are doomed to die." It appears to be speaking to prisoners, especially those in the dungeons who have no hope of release. Perhaps they are scheduled for execution. Yet, the psalmist asks God to change the circumstances of those with no hope.
For many people who are diagnosed with cancer, chances of recovery, as occurred in my life, are limited. The doctor may state that the treatments may only provide temporary relief, not ultimately remove the cancer. In relation to this, I believe the oncologist told my mother when she was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer years ago that his purpose was to "extend her life", not cure her. In other words, it was hopeless.
Yet, my prayer today for anyone experiencing cancer is exactly what the psalmist said, that God would "preserve those who are doomed to die". Although I can't understand God's ways in many situations, especially in the lives of those suffering with cancer, sometimes He does choose to heal in accordance with His plan.
Furthermore, if He does preserve some one's life out of the dungeon of cancer, perhaps they, too, will one day be able to proclaim the truth of Psalms 118:17, "I shall not die, but live, and tell of the works of the Lord".
Tuesday, July 24, 2012
Looking To The Guide
Going through cancer is very frightening. Lots of unfamiliar territory. Sometimes the journey may take years with lots of trips and turns. I know my journey became absolutely chaotic when I was undergoing chemotherapy. My nausea was so severe that I ended up being hospitalized five times with dehydration. I was also anemic. I tried to work as much as I could but it was difficult being hospitalized so much. A couple of times I went to work even when I felt extremely bad and ultimately was admitted to the hospital FROM work. On one occasion, I went into a patient's room and felt like I was going to pass out. Now that would have been impressive! Nevertheless, I ran outside the room and told my coworker how I felt. She graciously took over the work while I went to the emergency room and was subsequently admitted to the hospital.
In addition to nausea, I learned how bad chemotherapy is from a fatigue standpoint. I have never felt so tired in my life. I felt I was like a cigarette butt being ground in an ashtray. Grounding, pounding, unrelentless. Furthermore, the tiredness never seemed to get much better. I was always tired, always felt bad. Every task that I performed, whether working around the house or going to work, required significant effort on my part. It wasn't until the chemotherapy ended that my energy level improved significantly a couple of weeks later.
However, I don't write about these matters to get sympathy. I also hope that the reason I wrote my book was not to get sympathy. No, not at all. Having gone through cancer, I feel I have much to share about getting through it from a personal standpoint. Things that worked, things that didn't. In other words, I want to be a guide to anyone going through cancer.
Perhaps the greatest guide in hard times is the Lord God Himself. Isaiah 58:11 proclaims, "...the Lord will continually guide you, and satisfy your desire in scorched places, and give strength to your bones; and you will be like a watered garden, and like a spring of water whose waters do not fail." Wow! Great promise...great comfort.
A wise old hymn writer, William Williams, also looked to God as his guide. Consider the precious words of this hymn, "Guide Me O Thou Great Jehovah".
"Guide me, O thou great Jehovah,
pilgrim through this barren land.
I am weak, but thou art mighty;
hold me with thy powerful hand.
Bread of heaven, bread of heaven,
feed me till I want no more;
feed me till I want no more.
Open now the crystal fountain,
whence the healing stream doth flow;
let the fire and cloudy pillar
lead me all my journey through.
Strong deliverer, strong deliverer,
be thou still my strength and shield;
be thou still my strength and shield.
When I tread the verge of Jordan,
bid my anxious fears subside;
death of death and hell's destruction,
land me safe on Canaan's side.
Songs of praises, songs of praises,
I will ever give to thee;
I will ever give to thee."
Don't try to make it through life on your own. Look to the guide. "For such is God, our God forever and ever; He will guide us until death" (Psalms 48:14).
In addition to nausea, I learned how bad chemotherapy is from a fatigue standpoint. I have never felt so tired in my life. I felt I was like a cigarette butt being ground in an ashtray. Grounding, pounding, unrelentless. Furthermore, the tiredness never seemed to get much better. I was always tired, always felt bad. Every task that I performed, whether working around the house or going to work, required significant effort on my part. It wasn't until the chemotherapy ended that my energy level improved significantly a couple of weeks later.
However, I don't write about these matters to get sympathy. I also hope that the reason I wrote my book was not to get sympathy. No, not at all. Having gone through cancer, I feel I have much to share about getting through it from a personal standpoint. Things that worked, things that didn't. In other words, I want to be a guide to anyone going through cancer.
Perhaps the greatest guide in hard times is the Lord God Himself. Isaiah 58:11 proclaims, "...the Lord will continually guide you, and satisfy your desire in scorched places, and give strength to your bones; and you will be like a watered garden, and like a spring of water whose waters do not fail." Wow! Great promise...great comfort.
A wise old hymn writer, William Williams, also looked to God as his guide. Consider the precious words of this hymn, "Guide Me O Thou Great Jehovah".
"Guide me, O thou great Jehovah,
pilgrim through this barren land.
I am weak, but thou art mighty;
hold me with thy powerful hand.
Bread of heaven, bread of heaven,
feed me till I want no more;
feed me till I want no more.
Open now the crystal fountain,
whence the healing stream doth flow;
let the fire and cloudy pillar
lead me all my journey through.
Strong deliverer, strong deliverer,
be thou still my strength and shield;
be thou still my strength and shield.
When I tread the verge of Jordan,
bid my anxious fears subside;
death of death and hell's destruction,
land me safe on Canaan's side.
Songs of praises, songs of praises,
I will ever give to thee;
I will ever give to thee."
Don't try to make it through life on your own. Look to the guide. "For such is God, our God forever and ever; He will guide us until death" (Psalms 48:14).
Tuesday, July 3, 2012
Living Off My CT Scans
After I finished chemotherapy in June 2006, I underwent periodic CT scans of my abdomen to make sure the cancer had been eradicated. First the scans were every three months, then increased to every six months, then finally once a year. Every scan was worrisome. What if the cancer reoccurred? How would I face it again? However, I soon learned not to worry about the scans until the day of the scan. Why? Because worrying wouldn't solve anything. If I had a good CT report, then I had basically another six to twelve months to enjoy life. I would pray about the scans the day of the tests, but otherwise tried not to think too much about them.
That's the mindset of a cancer patient. You live from one scan to the next.
The Bible has some good advice regarding worrying. In Matthew 6:34, Jesus said, "...do not be anxious about tomorrow; for tomorrow will care for itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." In other words, focus on today. Don't get too uptight about things down the road. They will take care of themselves.
Put another way, as I heard a preacher say, "worrying is assuming responsibility for something God never intended for you to do." Great advice. There's no reason to worry about potential problems. God will handle them. Of course, I should still try to plan for the future. But, for now, as Bobby Ferrin sings in the attached song, I don't need to worry. I just need to be happy.
That's the mindset of a cancer patient. You live from one scan to the next.
The Bible has some good advice regarding worrying. In Matthew 6:34, Jesus said, "...do not be anxious about tomorrow; for tomorrow will care for itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." In other words, focus on today. Don't get too uptight about things down the road. They will take care of themselves.
Put another way, as I heard a preacher say, "worrying is assuming responsibility for something God never intended for you to do." Great advice. There's no reason to worry about potential problems. God will handle them. Of course, I should still try to plan for the future. But, for now, as Bobby Ferrin sings in the attached song, I don't need to worry. I just need to be happy.
Sunday, June 24, 2012
You Are Not Alone
Before my cancer diagnosis in 2004, I was unaware of anyone ever having bladder cancer. Since that time, I've discovered that many celebrities have fought bladder cancer, some have even died from it. The list includes Frank Sinatra (in addition to having Alzheimer's when he died), former Vice President Hubert Humphrey, Ray Bolger (the actor known for being "The Scarecrow" in the movie "Wizard of Oz") and investigative reporter Dominick Dunne. Most recently, singer Andy Williams announced he had been diagnosed with bladder cancer. Hence, I now look at these celebrities in a different light. We are intertwined by a disease. You could even say we're part of the same family. Hey, I even felt inclined to try to contact Andy Williams via his fan website (haven't heard back from him, however). Yet, if I do ever hear from him, even though our careers and paychecks are much different, we do have something to talk about. Based on my experience, he may even benefit from conversing with me.
Of course, bladder cancer does not affect just celebrities. The American Cancer Society states that 73,000 Americans are diagnosed with bladder cancer annually and it causes 15,000 deaths. So, bladder cancer is out there, although it may not get as much publicity as other cancers.
The Bible offers comfort to those who are going through similar situations. I Peter 5:9 says that we know that "...the same experiences of suffering are being accomplished by your brethren who are in the world" (NASB). Although this verse applies to temptations and attacks from the devil, I believe this verse also applies to anyone going through major suffering or trials. Think about it! There are countless numbers of people worldwide going through similar trials and emerging victoriously. There is hope in numbers. If others can overcome a certain malady, then so can I.
Consequently, when struck by unfathomable sorrow or suffering, it's nice to know that I am not alone.
Of course, bladder cancer does not affect just celebrities. The American Cancer Society states that 73,000 Americans are diagnosed with bladder cancer annually and it causes 15,000 deaths. So, bladder cancer is out there, although it may not get as much publicity as other cancers.
The Bible offers comfort to those who are going through similar situations. I Peter 5:9 says that we know that "...the same experiences of suffering are being accomplished by your brethren who are in the world" (NASB). Although this verse applies to temptations and attacks from the devil, I believe this verse also applies to anyone going through major suffering or trials. Think about it! There are countless numbers of people worldwide going through similar trials and emerging victoriously. There is hope in numbers. If others can overcome a certain malady, then so can I.
Consequently, when struck by unfathomable sorrow or suffering, it's nice to know that I am not alone.
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