The other day, on an off day from work, I jogged a couple of miles in my neighborhood. I used to run a lot more, but over the years I've been limited in my amount of running by my long working hours. However, as I ran around the corner from my house, I was met by what used to be a frightening site, that is, a barking dog named Deke. As a matter of fact, I can usually count on Deke barking at me if I am near his property. It can be pretty scary if you aren't familiar with Deke's situation. Deke is a good sized animal, about the size of a Black Labrador, although he appears to be a mixed breed. When Deke approaches with his ferocious bark, it is only natural to be afraid, very, very afraid.
Yet, interesting thing about Deke. All he can do is bark at me. Apparently, his yard has a hidden wire under the grass where he will only go so far. I've never seen him leave his yard. As long as I run on the street, I know Deke will never hurt me. He will come within a few feet of me, barking, carrying on, but yet, I never really get rattled by Deke. I know his power (with the help of modern dog control technology) is limited.
Reminds me in a sense about cancer. Just the word "cancer" is scary. The treatments are tumultuous. The side effects debilitating. I once received a card from a sweet lady at church years ago who was battling lung cancer and she quoted this poem. I in turn felt compelled to put it on my refrigerator. Furthermore, this poem is now seen on T-shirts, coffee mugs and bracelets. The author is unknown, but the verses describe the limitations of cancer. It is entitled, "What Cancer Cannot Do". Consider:
Cancer is so limited...
It cannot cripple love.
It cannot shatter hope.
It cannot corrode faith.
It cannot eat away peace.
It cannot destroy confidence.
It cannot kill friendship.
It cannot shut out memories.
It cannot silence courage.
It cannot reduce eternal life.
It cannot quench the Spirit.
Mind you, cancer can kill, maim and destroy. Yet, just like my buddy Deke who meets me when I'm running, cancer's bark is sometimes worse than its bite.
Tuesday, May 29, 2012
Wednesday, May 23, 2012
Coping Versus Moping
I had a radio interview the other day regarding my cancer survival and book. I always enjoy getting questions because it seems to refine my message. In other words, it helps me try to delineate what I truly believe.
For example, the interviewer asked me if some people use cancer as a means to draw attention to themselves. Another way of describing this phenomenon is a "pity party". Hey, look at me. I have cancer. Feel sorry for me. Wait on me. I believe there is an old medical term that lists this as "la belle indifference". A person actually enjoys being sick because of the attention it garners.
I hope this is not my attitude at all. On one hand, I do have to make an honest appraisal of my physical abilities (or lack of them) since I went through chemotherapy. I do have some infirmities, e.g. loss of hearing, which I've mentioned before. In describing the hearing loss, I don't want to make people feel sorry for me. I just want to know what my life has become. I can't hear sometimes. Phone conversations are difficult. Understanding dialogue on TV shows is difficult. So, am I trying to make others feel sorry for me by mentioning these things? No, not at all. I just want them to realize there is a reason that sometimes I misunderstand conversations. Dialogues with others are not being ignored.....I just can't completely comprehend what is being said.
Furthermore, even though cancer has damaged me, I don't want to be pitied. Cancer has opened up doors I never could have imagined. I've gained new insight into life. As a matter of fact, I've been entrusted with new knowledge, new insights, new victories. In many ways, I'm a new person. Life before cancer was so routine and so uneventful. Now, because of this dreaded disease, life, in a most peculiar way, has become more glorious. Oh, cancer, where is thy sting?
I talk more about my cancer victory in my book, "A Place I Didn't Want To Go: My Victory Over Cancer", which can be purchased at Amazon.com. You can access it online at:
For example, the interviewer asked me if some people use cancer as a means to draw attention to themselves. Another way of describing this phenomenon is a "pity party". Hey, look at me. I have cancer. Feel sorry for me. Wait on me. I believe there is an old medical term that lists this as "la belle indifference". A person actually enjoys being sick because of the attention it garners.
I hope this is not my attitude at all. On one hand, I do have to make an honest appraisal of my physical abilities (or lack of them) since I went through chemotherapy. I do have some infirmities, e.g. loss of hearing, which I've mentioned before. In describing the hearing loss, I don't want to make people feel sorry for me. I just want to know what my life has become. I can't hear sometimes. Phone conversations are difficult. Understanding dialogue on TV shows is difficult. So, am I trying to make others feel sorry for me by mentioning these things? No, not at all. I just want them to realize there is a reason that sometimes I misunderstand conversations. Dialogues with others are not being ignored.....I just can't completely comprehend what is being said.
Furthermore, even though cancer has damaged me, I don't want to be pitied. Cancer has opened up doors I never could have imagined. I've gained new insight into life. As a matter of fact, I've been entrusted with new knowledge, new insights, new victories. In many ways, I'm a new person. Life before cancer was so routine and so uneventful. Now, because of this dreaded disease, life, in a most peculiar way, has become more glorious. Oh, cancer, where is thy sting?
I talk more about my cancer victory in my book, "A Place I Didn't Want To Go: My Victory Over Cancer", which can be purchased at Amazon.com. You can access it online at:
Monday, May 14, 2012
Being Sifted
In Luke 22:31, Jesus said, "Simon, Simon, behold, Satan has demanded permission to sift you like wheat." As you may recall, Jesus made this statement in anticipation of Peter denying Him three times as our Lord's arrest and crucifixion were imminent.
This verse became more clear to me recently as my wife and I were working out in the backyard. This year my wife decided to plant a vegetable garden in an open area in the yard, something which she has done on occasion. Unfortunately, the spot she chose for the garden had a very hard soil. Hence, preparing the soil would take much effort with a simple hoe and rake. To say the least, it was a task we was dreading.
In anticipation of this project, although money in our household is very tight, I felt the need to purchase a simple tiller to loosen the soil. What a difference the tiller made! Instead of taking hours to prepare the soil, the tiller loosened the ground within a few minutes. I marveled as the blades churned through the soil with relative ease. You could say the tiller was "sifting" the soil.
Seeing the tiller brought Luke 22:31 to mind. It also reminded me of what I had been through with cancer, especially with chemotherapy. Multiple hospitalizations and multiple blood transfusions. Battles with depression. Extreme nausea. Profound fatigue. Chemotherapy carried me to rock bottom, so to speak, then even lower than that! I was truly sifted all right.
Yet, now that my soil has been prepared, I pray that good crops will appear in my life. I don't wish sifting upon anyone. However, I rejoice in the crops which may be forthcoming.
This verse became more clear to me recently as my wife and I were working out in the backyard. This year my wife decided to plant a vegetable garden in an open area in the yard, something which she has done on occasion. Unfortunately, the spot she chose for the garden had a very hard soil. Hence, preparing the soil would take much effort with a simple hoe and rake. To say the least, it was a task we was dreading.
In anticipation of this project, although money in our household is very tight, I felt the need to purchase a simple tiller to loosen the soil. What a difference the tiller made! Instead of taking hours to prepare the soil, the tiller loosened the ground within a few minutes. I marveled as the blades churned through the soil with relative ease. You could say the tiller was "sifting" the soil.
Seeing the tiller brought Luke 22:31 to mind. It also reminded me of what I had been through with cancer, especially with chemotherapy. Multiple hospitalizations and multiple blood transfusions. Battles with depression. Extreme nausea. Profound fatigue. Chemotherapy carried me to rock bottom, so to speak, then even lower than that! I was truly sifted all right.
Yet, now that my soil has been prepared, I pray that good crops will appear in my life. I don't wish sifting upon anyone. However, I rejoice in the crops which may be forthcoming.
Saturday, May 5, 2012
Who's in Charge??
The other day before I visited my ENT doctor, I prayed something like, "Dear God, please restore my hearing." This is related to the fact I suffered permanent hearing loss from chemo treatments in 2006. I was hoping to hear news about a revolutionary new surgery which would relinquish me of the burden of wearing hearing aids at times. Then, it dawned on me how I had misplaced my request to my Heavenly Father. It was not "my" hearing. I didn't create it. I really had no part in its function from the beginning. As a matter of fact, I couldn't take any credit for my hearing, vision, sense of smell, sense of taste or any of the functions of my body. These wonderful creations were all loaned to me by a loving God who created everything.
The Bible describes it in this way. "For Thou didst form my inward parts; Thou didst weave me in my mother's womb" (Psalms 139:13). It wasn't evolution, it wasn't chance. My body was created by God, no doubt about it. In addition, in a peculiar way, God even takes credit for what we call "handicaps". For example, in Exodus 4:11 God says, "Who has made man's mouth? Or who makes him dumb or deaf, or seeing or blind? Is it not I, the Lord?" Even though the hearing loss with chemotherapy caught me by surprise, it was somehow part of God's plan for me.
So, as I struggle on a daily basis trying to understand conversations, trying to follow dialogue on television with closed captioning, etc., I have to continue to entrust my body to God's loving care to accomplish His purposes in me. For "every one who is called by My name....I have created for My glory..." (Isaiah 43:7). If He chooses to restore my hearing, I'll praise Him. If He doesn't restore my hearing, although I may not understand it, I will yet praise Him. My infirmities will ultimately lead to God's glory.
Hence, who's in charge? Definitely not me, and seeing how I usually mess up most things in my life, that's probably a good thing.
The Bible describes it in this way. "For Thou didst form my inward parts; Thou didst weave me in my mother's womb" (Psalms 139:13). It wasn't evolution, it wasn't chance. My body was created by God, no doubt about it. In addition, in a peculiar way, God even takes credit for what we call "handicaps". For example, in Exodus 4:11 God says, "Who has made man's mouth? Or who makes him dumb or deaf, or seeing or blind? Is it not I, the Lord?" Even though the hearing loss with chemotherapy caught me by surprise, it was somehow part of God's plan for me.
So, as I struggle on a daily basis trying to understand conversations, trying to follow dialogue on television with closed captioning, etc., I have to continue to entrust my body to God's loving care to accomplish His purposes in me. For "every one who is called by My name....I have created for My glory..." (Isaiah 43:7). If He chooses to restore my hearing, I'll praise Him. If He doesn't restore my hearing, although I may not understand it, I will yet praise Him. My infirmities will ultimately lead to God's glory.
Hence, who's in charge? Definitely not me, and seeing how I usually mess up most things in my life, that's probably a good thing.
Monday, April 23, 2012
Joy of Renewal
Well, I finally had to trade it in around 2010: my 1992 Mercury Villager Van. After driving it for years and years, it was getting harder and harder to find replacement parts. As a matter of fact, it became somewhat comical with some of the issues I faced with the van in its last few months in my possession. It would be hard to mention exactly everything that went wrong but I'll try.
The motor continued to run well for the most part, but it was peripheral issues that took its toll. For example, the door locks on the car broke so that I couldn't lock my car. The passenger's side window went out. The radio only worked part of the time. The lock on the glove compartment box broke so I had to prevent the glove compartment from flying opening while I was motoring by securing it with duct tape. The sun visor on the driver's side broke so I had to cover my eyes whenever I drove in open sunlight. Sometimes the hatch on the back took several tries to get it closed. The wiring on my tail lights became frazzled so I sometimes only had one operating tail light. I guess the issue that finally made me give it up was the air conditioning compressor. It broke down and my repair guy had difficulty finding a replacement. He did find an air conditioning compressor that had never been used by looking for it on the internet but it failed after a few months. I thought, "That does it!!! I just can't get through another Alabama summer without air conditioning." So, finally, in October 2010, I traded in my van with 262, 000 miles on the odometer and purchased a used 2006 Kia Optima.
What a difference it makes to drive a newer car (although I purchased it used). The air conditioner works. The radio works (it even has a CD player...the van had a cassette player). I can lock the doors with the push of a button on my key ring. There is better gas mileage. Better comfort. Better controls. Everything is better, better, better. To me, this car is heaven-sent. When I purchased it, it appeared to be the perfect car for me and my bank account. Furthermore, I actually have developed quite a fondness for my Kia, my affection most likely based on my woeful interactions with the van in its latter debilitating years.
Kind of reminds me of the joy that occurs when coming through a trial. In James 1:2 it says, "Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials." Although it would be hard to describe my cancer battle as a joyful experience , there is now a certain sense of happiness, a peace within for surviving what I did with the major surgery and chemotherapy. Psalms 30:5 says, "...weeping may last for the night, but a shout of joy comes in the morning." This is certainly true. Cancer, especially chemotherapy, was dark and painful. Now, I can view my present situation with joy. Consequently, I can look back and say how, with God's help, "I made it!" or "I overcame it". It tried to destroy me but I ultimately am the victor. It's a great feeling.
The motor continued to run well for the most part, but it was peripheral issues that took its toll. For example, the door locks on the car broke so that I couldn't lock my car. The passenger's side window went out. The radio only worked part of the time. The lock on the glove compartment box broke so I had to prevent the glove compartment from flying opening while I was motoring by securing it with duct tape. The sun visor on the driver's side broke so I had to cover my eyes whenever I drove in open sunlight. Sometimes the hatch on the back took several tries to get it closed. The wiring on my tail lights became frazzled so I sometimes only had one operating tail light. I guess the issue that finally made me give it up was the air conditioning compressor. It broke down and my repair guy had difficulty finding a replacement. He did find an air conditioning compressor that had never been used by looking for it on the internet but it failed after a few months. I thought, "That does it!!! I just can't get through another Alabama summer without air conditioning." So, finally, in October 2010, I traded in my van with 262, 000 miles on the odometer and purchased a used 2006 Kia Optima.
What a difference it makes to drive a newer car (although I purchased it used). The air conditioner works. The radio works (it even has a CD player...the van had a cassette player). I can lock the doors with the push of a button on my key ring. There is better gas mileage. Better comfort. Better controls. Everything is better, better, better. To me, this car is heaven-sent. When I purchased it, it appeared to be the perfect car for me and my bank account. Furthermore, I actually have developed quite a fondness for my Kia, my affection most likely based on my woeful interactions with the van in its latter debilitating years.
Kind of reminds me of the joy that occurs when coming through a trial. In James 1:2 it says, "Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials." Although it would be hard to describe my cancer battle as a joyful experience , there is now a certain sense of happiness, a peace within for surviving what I did with the major surgery and chemotherapy. Psalms 30:5 says, "...weeping may last for the night, but a shout of joy comes in the morning." This is certainly true. Cancer, especially chemotherapy, was dark and painful. Now, I can view my present situation with joy. Consequently, I can look back and say how, with God's help, "I made it!" or "I overcame it". It tried to destroy me but I ultimately am the victor. It's a great feeling.
Friday, April 13, 2012
Profit for Loss
It's interesting how the Bible places emphasis on losing things. For example, Jesus said in John 12:24, "Truly, truly, I say to you, unless a grain of wheat falls into the earth and dies, it remains by itself alone; but if it dies, it bears much fruit." Also, in Luke 9:24, Jesus said, "For whoever wishes to save his life shall lose it, but whoever loses his life for My sake, he is the one who will save it." Hence, the Bible describes the value of losing your life and getting something great in return, that is, you truly discover life. Not only life, but life in abundance.
Reminds me of the old saying which states, "If you love something, set it free. If it comes back, it's yours. If it doesn't, it never was." I was contemplating this idea of profit for loss recently while thinking of my cancer journey. Because of cancer, I lost so many things. You could say they were forcibly removed from me. For example, I lost my natural born bladder and now have to depend upon an artificial bladder which was created from my small intestine. As a result, I have to catheterize myself up to three times daily to make sure my artificial bladder is empty and avoid urinary tract infections. I also lost part of my hearing due to chemotherapy. This has been extremely distressing, as I struggle to understand daily conversations with my family and co-workers. Of course, losing part of the sensation in my feet has been bothersome. Consequently, when I try to jog or walk up steps, I hit the pavement or stairs abruptly since I can't feel the majority of sensation in my feet. I am also more concerned about falling with the altered sensation in my lower extremities.
What have I gained as a result of my physical losses? First of all, it has allowed me to test the waters as an author, perhaps something I never would have done before cancer. My manuscript, "Bladder Cancer: Revealing News About A Hidden Threat" which was published in the April edition of Nursing2006 was an offshoot of what I had learned after having major cancer surgery. Later on, my book, "A Place I Didn't Want To Go: My Victory Over Cancer", came to be written after I had suffered the rigors of chemotherapy. Second, my losses have given me a platform as a speaker. Due to cancer, I have spoken at several nursing and nurse practitioner conferences. I'm continuing to pray for more opportunities to speak in the future. Finally, I have gained new insights into the ways of God. His ways are mysterious, but, believe it or not, He actually can use pain for His glory. Even though cancer may be a life-altering diagnosis, it may eventually be a blessing. Ultimately, as author John Piper states in his publication, "Don't Waste Your Cancer", cancer can actually be a gift and not a curse. Having been gifted with cancer, I'm confident I'll be reaping many benefits in the years to come.
Reminds me of the old saying which states, "If you love something, set it free. If it comes back, it's yours. If it doesn't, it never was." I was contemplating this idea of profit for loss recently while thinking of my cancer journey. Because of cancer, I lost so many things. You could say they were forcibly removed from me. For example, I lost my natural born bladder and now have to depend upon an artificial bladder which was created from my small intestine. As a result, I have to catheterize myself up to three times daily to make sure my artificial bladder is empty and avoid urinary tract infections. I also lost part of my hearing due to chemotherapy. This has been extremely distressing, as I struggle to understand daily conversations with my family and co-workers. Of course, losing part of the sensation in my feet has been bothersome. Consequently, when I try to jog or walk up steps, I hit the pavement or stairs abruptly since I can't feel the majority of sensation in my feet. I am also more concerned about falling with the altered sensation in my lower extremities.
What have I gained as a result of my physical losses? First of all, it has allowed me to test the waters as an author, perhaps something I never would have done before cancer. My manuscript, "Bladder Cancer: Revealing News About A Hidden Threat" which was published in the April edition of Nursing2006 was an offshoot of what I had learned after having major cancer surgery. Later on, my book, "A Place I Didn't Want To Go: My Victory Over Cancer", came to be written after I had suffered the rigors of chemotherapy. Second, my losses have given me a platform as a speaker. Due to cancer, I have spoken at several nursing and nurse practitioner conferences. I'm continuing to pray for more opportunities to speak in the future. Finally, I have gained new insights into the ways of God. His ways are mysterious, but, believe it or not, He actually can use pain for His glory. Even though cancer may be a life-altering diagnosis, it may eventually be a blessing. Ultimately, as author John Piper states in his publication, "Don't Waste Your Cancer", cancer can actually be a gift and not a curse. Having been gifted with cancer, I'm confident I'll be reaping many benefits in the years to come.
Thursday, April 5, 2012
The Value Of A Healthy Body
Driving down a highway this morning in my old neighborhood, I noticed an interesting site. What used to be a viable shopping district has turned into an area of multiple pawn shops and "get cash quick" type stores, utilizing your car title as a security deposit. Some of these stores were even next door to each other, thus accentuating the need in this area. It reminded me how people will do practically anything to get money, for example, sometimes trading in possessions, sometimes doing illegal actions, whatever, to survive financially. I know I once had a garage sale to try to procure a few bucks, but it didn't really amount to much.
So, as anyone can see, money is oh so important in this life. As a result, people endure the hardships of long working hours and lifetimes of labor in order to get money to purchase houses, cars, comforts and most importantly, food. In relation to this, I too have been a part of the work force for many, many years. Yet, I still have roughly another fourteen years or so of the daily rigors of employment before I can retire. Don't get me wrong. There are certainly joys in my occupation, but, on the other hand, there is a reason people call employment, "work". Sometimes it is not fun, but strenuous mental and physical labor.
However, there are some things that are more important than money. For example, I've heard the expression, "If you have your health, you have everything". So true. As a matter of fact, some people would be willing to pay or do anything in order to get their health back.
So, if you are healthy, be grateful. A healthy body is more valuable than a healthy bank account or personal possessions. You see, once your health fades, there is nothing that compares with the enormity of the loss. Even though I've been cured of cancer, I still grieve over the irreparable damage it has inflicted upon me.
So, as anyone can see, money is oh so important in this life. As a result, people endure the hardships of long working hours and lifetimes of labor in order to get money to purchase houses, cars, comforts and most importantly, food. In relation to this, I too have been a part of the work force for many, many years. Yet, I still have roughly another fourteen years or so of the daily rigors of employment before I can retire. Don't get me wrong. There are certainly joys in my occupation, but, on the other hand, there is a reason people call employment, "work". Sometimes it is not fun, but strenuous mental and physical labor.
However, there are some things that are more important than money. For example, I've heard the expression, "If you have your health, you have everything". So true. As a matter of fact, some people would be willing to pay or do anything in order to get their health back.
So, if you are healthy, be grateful. A healthy body is more valuable than a healthy bank account or personal possessions. You see, once your health fades, there is nothing that compares with the enormity of the loss. Even though I've been cured of cancer, I still grieve over the irreparable damage it has inflicted upon me.
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